


Dear My Friend

by Markey_Bree



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Addiction, Album: D-2 (Agust D), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Min Yoongi | Suga, Depressed Min Yoongi | Suga, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gay Male Character, Homophobia, Hurt Min Yoongi | Suga, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Inspired by D-2 Mixtape (Agust D), M/M, Min Yoongi | Suga is Bad at Feelings, Min Yoongi | Suga-centric, Past Drug Addiction, Producer Min Yoongi | Suga, Protective Bangtan Boys | BTS, Protective Jeon Jungkook, Protective Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Protective Kim Namjoon | RM, Protective Kim Seokjin | Jin, Protective Kim Taehyung | V, Protective Min Yoongi | Suga, Protective Park Jimin (BTS), Sad Min Yoongi | Suga, Sex, Shower Sex, Soft Min Yoongi | Suga
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:15:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29503260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Markey_Bree/pseuds/Markey_Bree
Summary: "Am I a good person? Or a bad person? Varicolored evaluation I'm just a person.Everyone will live on. Everyone will love. Everyone will fade, will be forgotten.People changed as I have changed."-Agust D2 'People'-
Relationships: Min Yoongi | Suga/Everyone, Min Yoongi | Suga/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	1. Prologue

When I moved to Seoul I tell those who ask that it wasn't my intention to leave everything behind. Not the biggest lie I've told, that would be 'oh I fell down the stairs' when Jimin asked me what happened to my shoulder. Some say I'm a compulsive liar, I lie out of habit and sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. In a way it's a survival instinct. So people don't get mad, or worry, or stick their nose in business that is not theirs.

I had every intention to leave everything behind when I left Daegu. In hopes that my parents would be so disappointed that they wouldn't even try to contact me. So then I could move on, maybe change my name, and start over.

For a while it was like that. After debuting my parents weren't contacting me and continued to not do so. They did not wish me luck. They did not hope I was well. They never called. My brother, in a way, became my parent, and my only support person aside from our grandma. I never cared when the other members' parents would visit them on parent's day, or Chinese New Years, or randomly all while baring food and warmth and love. At least I tried to not let it effect me. I overworked, if we weren't practicing or in the studio I was balancing my part time jobs on the side. I was constantly busy. Constantly exhausted.

My focus was on myself in the beginning. My greed overpowered everything else. All that I truly wanted was to prove those in my life that failed me that I can be successful. But then I allowed myself to get close with the members. I stayed back with Hoseok for Christmas when his family left without him. He would tell me how grateful he was for years after. I couldn't tell him then that I didn't have anywhere else to go. I wasn't welcome home at that time.

I would also be lying if I said I expected us to be successful, this successful, known world-wide successful. I didn't even expect the 7 of us to still be together after 2018. But here we are stuck with each other until 2026. Bangtan and Army are my family. I never thought I could care so deeply about people like I have with them. The 7 of us spend a lot of time together, even when we're not practicing or interviewing or promoting, we still somehow don't get sick of each other. Except I am the kind of person who needs my privacy to recharge. I think that's what was in everyone's mind when we all started buying our own places.

Though we spend most of our time at the dorm. Hoseok and Jimin let their parents move into their expensive apartments, so they were close by and no longer had to worry much about bills. That was generous of them, I admit, and honestly the type of parents they have I think they truly deserve it. They gave and gave to their kids even though Jimin's parents had some struggles. I respected the members' parents. And I respect my parents in the context 'they did the best with what they were given', they weren't given a lot and I understand that wasn't their fault. But the only thing I ever asked for was support, and if you can't give that to your children then I don't think you should have kids. My parents are good people. They are just not good parents.

And there is no way I would let my parents invade my only private place aside from my studio. I except my brother my family didn't know I bought a place to live aside from the dorms. I was okay keeping it that way.

Now it's been a few months since Agust D-2 has been released, and the company has decided to officially postpone our Map Of Soul: 7 Tour without any sense of when we'll be able to even start it. Covid-19 as become a global emergency by now, and to be honest I haven't given it much thought until now.

Covid changed a lot for us. With starting the promotions for Dynamite, which will be our first English single. It'll be nice to connect with our international fans.

"Yeah?" I answer my phone cutting off my own thoughts.

"Hello?" I pull the phone away from my ear as I hear nothing coming from the other end. Unknown number.

"Alri-" I almost end the call.

_"I heard you miss me."_


	2. 1

It's only day 2 of filming for Dynamite's music video and I am exhausted. We got there early and I practiced trying to shoot a basket for over an hour. I don't know how were supposed to film my part when I can't even get the ball into the hoop.

"I haven't played in 9 years, this isn't going well," I state as I watch the ball roll around the hoop and still fall off.

"That's a lie," Jimin says, "You played very well at that one game we filmed back in 2013."

"Yeah exactly. Like 9 years ago."

"Actually it would be more like 7 years ago," Namjoon says, his eyes closed while the stylists touch up his make up.

I roll my eyes, "Whatever."

I feel like I am constantly acting like I'm not experiencing pain while we dance. Rather it be my knee or my shoulder, there is never a moment of peace. A moment of zero pain. There's a consistent ache I have become immune too by now. When ever I lift my arm at a certain height, sometimes it surprises me when I reach for a coffee mug (I know Namjoon and Jungkook purposely put on the top shelf to piss me and Jimin off).

I was 19 when I got into that accident, a while before our debut. I was already working two part time jobs all while being a trainee, there was no way I was gonna risk getting kicked out over a stupid car accident.

But recently the pain has spiked. It's no way at it's worse but I can feel it gradually getting bad again.

I'm rolling my shoulders back, and my arm in circles to try and loosen up my muscles.

"Shoulder again?" Namjoon approaches me, probably just realizing I wasn't with the rest of the members getting ready for our donut shop scene.

"Yeah," I try to brush it off, "It's not that bad though."

"Maybe you should go to the doctor again."

"Waste of time," I say, "After letting it go untreated for so long the only way they'll be able to fix it is if I have a major surgery."

He looks at me worried for a minute, I stop, look at him. Namjoon worries too much for his own good.

"I'm fine Namjoon-ah."

"Next scene starts in 5 minutes. Get into positions!" Taehyung is talking over the speaker again.

He was a director in a past life, I think.

"Where should we go to eat?" Seokjin asks, we're changed out of our filming clothes and back into casual wear.

"Always thinking about food hyung," Jungkook jokes.

"We should order in that way when we get home it'll be there."

"Good idea, Taetae," Jimin says already getting his phone out.

"Namjoon-hyung will you call?"

I laugh, "Give me the phone."

"Thanks Suga hyung!" Jimin, Tae, and Hobi say in unison.

I give the caller my card number and our address, before hanging up and giving Jimin's phone back. We finally make it to the parking lot where our company van is, I climb into the front taking over aux.

"Hyung-ah play Agust D-2," Jungkook says excitedly.

I shake my head, "I hear my own voice enough."

"We don't." (Jimin)

"Whatever we live together."

"We can never get enough of you hyung." (Hobi)

"Can I have the aux?" Jungkook asks.

I hand it over, clearly not thinking.

"My favorite song aside from Daechwita has to be people," Taehyung comments.

"I don't know if anything can beat Daechwita," Seokjin says.

"That's because you're in it," Jungkook jokes earning a smack from Jin.

"Don't put me in such a inconsiderate light."

"My favorite is What Do You Think," I mutter, knowing it'll get awkward for a second before we can move on again.

What Do You Think? got a backlash I wasn't really expecting. A lot of people trended it, saying it was insensitive of me to put Jones speech in the beginning. Saying that it's inconsiderate to use such a hateful speech in the beginning of a song just for a vibe. Except no one asked me if that's what I was doing. No one ever asks anymore. Assumptions are better, are more fun for them.

"I like Dear My Friend," Namjoon cuts the silence.

"Yeah that's the most personal," I say.

"I do like that one a lot too. You talk about your friend in it-" (Jungkook)

"Not really my friend anymore. He made it pretty clear he didn't want to see me again after our last visit."

"Why not?" Taehyung asks.

"Because I wouldn't bail him out."

"That's not your job," Namjoon states, "You're not his parent."

"You don't have to tell me. He just wanted out to do drugs anyways."

We end up listening to Daechwita and People before we get home.

After eating, everyone hit the showers and I poured myself a glass of whiskey and sat on our balcony. My thoughts are taking over as I stare at the endless night sky.

"Hello?" I don't let my phone ring a second time. No sound comes from the other end, I pull my phone away to look at the number. Unknown.

"hello?"

Still nothing, I shrug not wanting to waste my time on a prank call or some saesang.

"Alr-"

_"I heard you miss me."_

Now this is not the movies, this is not a storybook novel, I don't drop my glass and watch it shatter, I don't cover my mouth in shock, I don't cry either. I just shake my head. Remember thinking to myself how stupid this is. And I hang up.

"Nope," I mumble to myself, "Not today."

A waste of my time.

I lean back, put my phone on silent and focus on my drink.

Maybe I'll get a little drunk tonight.

"Dear my friend, how have you been?  
I'm doing great, you know, yeah  
Dear my friend, I'll be honest  
I still freaking hate you"

-Agust D- 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going with this. Wanted to challenge myself with a new topic, and I just want to write. So here we are.


	3. 2

Day 3 of filming and we're getting near the end. We'll release the teaser in a few weeks, and everybody is looking forward to it.

"You need to drink more water hyung, it's pretty obvious you're hungover," Jimin is handing me a bottled water.

I'm leaning back in one of those actor chairs, the world is slightly tilted, and I'm a little dizzy and drowsy. I'm functioning and I've never threw up while hungover like this. I didn't have a care in the world.

"You're flushed out Yoongi-yah. Have you ate?" 

I nod, then pause, think again, then shake my head.

"I'll get you something." (Seokjin)

"I'm alright."

"That's just the hangover talking." (Seokjin)

"Why did you decide to get drunk last night anyways?" (Jungkook)

"It was there, one of those things you know, it's right in front of you so why not?"

This is something an alcoholic would say. My mom and brother used to fear I would be an alcoholic. I feared that too. And there was times I really thought I was.

"You should lighten on the drinking hyung, you'll kill your liver," Hoseok says, and suddenly every member is standing around me. 

I never really cared about what I put in my body before. My body has already been trampled, I didn't see a point in protecting it anymore.

I shrug, "I have a high tolerance."

"I hate to burst your bubble hyung but just because you have a high tolerance doesn't mean it hurts your liver less."

"Let's just act like it does," I smile at Namjoon, and he shakes his head in an disapproving at me.

"Eat this," Seokjin is shoving a fruit kebab in my face then, cut up apples, with grapes, strawberries, and blueberries all on a stick. How fancy. I stare at Seokjin as I take my first bite. He looks satisfied, so I eat it at my pace.

I feel my phone buzz in my pocket for the 5th time in just the last 30 minutes. It could be someone important. Or it could be the unknown number again, and honestly I'm not even going to give them the chance. If it's really that important they'll find me.

"Okay back into your places!"

"How much milk do you think you've drank in the last 2 days Jungkookie," Hoseok jokes.

"This is an impressive room you have to admit," I say looking at all the posters, "The Beatles, AC/DC, David-"

"I would've loved to have a room like this," Jimin looks in awe.

"Me and my brother shared a room," Jungkook says suddenly, "it was very square and darker cause we only had one small window."

"For the longest time, me and my brother just slept on the living room floor. I don't think we got a room until he entered high school."

"I didn't get my own room until High school, even then my siblings slept in there a lot," Taehyung says, and I think he's the only one who could even remotely understand what I meant.

"I enjoyed sharing my room with my brother, he was quiet and didn't annoy me," Jimin laughed.

"When I was younger me and my brother would have screaming matches," Seokjin says, and we laugh because I can see Seokjin cursing out his older brother for something as simple as eating his food.

"What about you Namjoon?" I nudge him as he's just been listening this whole time.

"Oh, we had our own rooms. Me and my sister never have fought. She's much younger than me though so it was kind of like I was an only child for most of my childhood."

"That must have been nice." (Jimin)

"Kind of boring," he shrugs.

"I lived at my friends houses more than I lived at home," I admit, "but we all lived in the slums so it wasn't much of a difference."

If Bangtan never happened I would've never even thought about talking to people like my members. I always resented anyone who had more than me. Who were more privileged.

"Let's stop procrastinating and warm up," Hoseok says then.

I don't like foreshadowing, that makes it seem like my life is just a movie, and I am just a simple character. And what is the point if you know what is going to happen. This is why I don't watch movies.

Taehyung is filming his solo part before we move onto another group shoot. I make my way off set heading for the restroom.

I exit the stall when I'm done and I'm washing my hands when my phone buzzes again. I sigh heavily, check to see the unknown number lighting up my screen.

 _"This is a prepaid phone call from an inmate at Seoul Detention Center. All phone calls are subjected to recording and monitoring. To decline this call press 9 now. And to accept this call press 1 now,"_ this is exhausting, is all I can think, _"thank you, your call has been accepted."_

"What the fuck do you want?"

_"Yoongi! Man I did-- I didn't think you were gonna answer. How are you?! I haven't talked to you in ages."_

"I'm not trying to get into your shit again man. Lose my number before I have to change it."

_"Wait. Listen. I'm- I'm doing better. I- look I'm sorry I went off on you when you came to visit me. I'm really doing better. Hey listen, I'm getting out in a few days and I don't have anywhere to stay do you think-"_

"No. No. I'm sorry, but no. Don't call again."

_"Wait! Please. I don't have to stay at your place. Don't even let me know where you live, I just need some money for a cheap motel. The cheapest you can find I don't care, I just need a place to go when I'm released."_

I close my eyes, massaging my temple cause there's never a moment where I can get full peace. I look in the mirror, my hair still slicked back for our next scene.

"I have to go. Call me the day of your release and I'll send you the motel name, I'll have a room booked for you."

_"Thanks man. I mean it, truly. You don't have to go through all that trouble though, if you just send the money to commissary I can take care of the rest."_

"If you think you can call me and try to scam me you got it wrong. I'm not an idiot. Call me on your release okay? Bye."

I hang up before he can give me an answer. If he's desperate enough he'll call. He always does.

"Sometimes I ask myself again, 'if it's possible to go back,  
Will you go back?' Well, I'll have to think more about that."

-Agust D2- 'Moonlight'


	4. 3

When I was a teenager and I decided I wanted to rap, or at least write music. Aside from my parents utter disappointment my only and last childhood friend I had left always was excited to hear new lyrics from me.

_"If you keep going like this, you'll be big I'm telling you." They were currently sitting at a make-shift desk in Hanyeol's uncle's garage, which was just a fold out table that held a computer system and monitor along with other recording equipment._

_"Don't bring up my dreams just for them to be crushed, hyung," I scoff shoving Hangyeol playfully, just hard enough for him to purposely make himself fall off stacked crates they were sitting on, "You're dramatic."_

_"Says the boy that's a hall monitor and won't even let his friend off the hook when he's just trying to skip a class." He looks up from his place on the floor, a smirk on his face._

_"That's not dramatic. It's my job." I roll my eyes, kicking my backpack aside as Hangyeol bursts into laughter._

_"Your job? How much do you get paid?"_

_Such a smartass._

_"Shut up, you idiot," I push him away by his face._

_He leans in more, "Really?"_

_"Why am I friends with you?"_

_"The question I've asked myself a million times."_

_I scoff, "Whatever."_

_He leans in closer so we're nearly touching noses, "Why are you friends with me?"_

_"It's a hostage situation," I say simply._

_He grabs my face, thumb on one side and his four other fingers on the other side of my cheek. He pulls me gently down onto the floor._

_"Do you want me to let you go?" He smiles evilly, waiting._

_I roll my eyes, "No."_

_"That's what I thought," he smiles, lets go of my face and grips the back of my neck with one hand while his other lays on my thigh._

_I scoot in closer._

_The door that leads into the house flies open and we jump apart._

_"Boys will you give me a hand really quick."_

I enjoy staying at the dorm over staying at my own apartment. Mostly because I like to know I'm around people who care. I know that's cheesy. Maybe even a little pathetic. But I've never loved people like I love the members. I'll never tell them that, and to be honest I don't think I need to. I think they can tell, they can see that the 6 of them are the most important people in my life. They're over my parents, even slightly above my brother. I know the members care about their parents and siblings over the rest of us, even if it's a tiny step up. It still counts. It's still higher. 

I try not to think about it, because of course each member will put their parents first. Everyone, even if you don't think you do, everyone has a first priority person. For Jimin his dad is a little above his mom. For Hoseok his sister is above his dad but his mom is above all of them. 

And that's fine. Really. I have never been anyone's first priority person. Not even to my parents.

It's even more fine, because I never ponder on it too long.

"Yoongi-yah will you get the rice cooker out?" Seokjin is standing at the counter, vegetables are spread out on the table, knives, cutting board, pots, raw meat. I realize I been staring at the closed cabinets for a long time now.

"Yeah," it takes me a moment to get up, my shoulder aches, my bones feel heavy. I get the rice cooker out and place in on the counter next to the knives. Without a moment's hesitation I pick up one of the chopping knives, small, but sharp.

I could totally kill someone with them. I let it glide across my fingers.

"Yah! Are you trying to cut your fingers off?" Seokjin looks alarmed for a second, taking the knife away from me.

"Maybe I don't want them anymore," I smile, and he just blinks at me, no windshield wiper laugh, just blank stare.

"Go. Shoo. I don't need your help."

I shrug, give a sharp nod and make my way to the next member to bother.

_"You know it's kind of funny," Hanyeol talks with a cigarette butt hanging from his mouth, legs spread straight out, feet crossed on the wooded coffee table._

_"What?" I look at him, observe his smirk face. He takes the cigarette from his mouth, brings the vodka bottle to his lips, "What's funny?"_

_He points at me with the end of the bottle, "This."_

_I feel my face scrunch up, looking at him utterly confused. He passes me the cigarette, I breathe in and puff out smoke twice._

_"My parents have such low standards for me. So, here I am going above and beyond to prove them- well to prove them right," he chuckles, wide smile on his face like he's so proud, "And your parents expect so much of you that you're reaching further. You know what our parents have in common?"_

_"What?"_

_"They both know they made the same mistake. But won't own up to it. Pride talks, even when it's your kids that need you."_

_I blink slowly, letting the head high take a moment to devour me. I sit in it for a moment. A moment of euphoria._

_Then I nod, lean my cheek against my hand flinching a little cause I forgot it was bruised still._

_"You know what our parents don't have in common?" I pass him the burnt out cig._

_This time he asks, "What?"_

_"They cherish you, you're their kid. They want to hold onto that, to you as long as possible. My parents can't wait to fucking get rid of me."_

_We're quiet for a minute, he doesn't say anything, he just nods his head slowly and breathes in deeply. Takes another swig of straight vodka._

_"You know," I pick up again, "I always tell myself when I do get out of this, when I finally make my place. When I get further then my parents expect me to. I want to sit here and be confident and say I won't take them back, I won't let them walk back into my life like they made me-"_

_"Technically they did make you."_

_"I mean- like they had a place in how far I gotten, if I get far, they'll act like they always believed in me, even though my cheek is proof enough that they don't, that they haven't. I want to sit here and say I won't let them run back to me."_

_"You mean you run back to them," I don't say anything to that, "I know you will Yoongi. And I don't blame you. Having the support even if it's given in the worst way, it's still support. Just like how money is money."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "In my head, the reality fights with the ideal tirelessly.  
> My biggest enemy is the anger inside me.  
> The more dreadful is the battle with the laziness inside me."
> 
> -Agust D2- 'Moonlight'


End file.
